When I do a book review, I typically like to give very specific details outlining what the book is about. For this review, I am not going to do that. Why? Because I firmly believe that this is a book that EVERY christian parent needs to own. I specify "christian" parents only because the entire basis for this book comes from the Bible, and if you haven't chosen to live according to the will of God, then half the stuff in this book wouldn't necessarily apply. The principles are still good for everyone, but it is definitely from a christian perspective. :)
That said, if you were going to read any book about parenting, I really do believe that this should be it! It has caused within us a PARADIGM shift in the way we are parenting. We came to realize that our current methods fell under an Old Testament model, rather than under the New Covenant. Without realizing it, we have been living in fear of the mistakes and sins of our children. We used to think that it was our job to control them and teach them the importance of obedience and then "discipline" them when they failed to obey. Now, we realize that more important than obedience is developing true, deep heart-to-heart connections centered in LOVE. We have begun to value the importance of giving them choices (lots of choices) and helping our children learn how to manage freedom. We have stepped away from scolding, making threats, allowing ourselves to become angry and frustrated, and laying down heavy punishment for their misbehavior. We are embracing a new practice of shared control, mutual respect, allowing them to experience real (and sometimes painful) consequences of their choices, and peace.
I cannot say enough positive things about the truths laid out within this book. It is going to completely change the life and environment within our family. There are still SO many situations in which we are trying to figure all of this out. But the atmosphere in our home is changing...from a place of frustration, control, and anger to one of peace, self-control, and love. The kids seem to be responding positively, and we are enjoying the process. Let me give you an example of this change:
Naomi (age 2.5) was at the table eating breakfast, while her brother, Isaac (age almost 4) was playing by himself in the other room. He was playing with some toys that were Naomi's and began to walk toward her, saying, "Naomi...look what I'm playing with!" in a very taunting tone of voice. Previously, in exasperation, I would have angrily said, "ISAAC! What are you doing?!? You KNOW that's going to upset her. Now please go back and play by yourself." He would have scowled at me or laughed and walked away feeling angry at me. But after reading "Loving Our Kids on Purpose," the situation went like this...
Isaac: "Naomi, look what I'm playing with!"
Me: "Hey buddy...what do you think Naomi will do if you show her that you're playing with her toys?"
Isaac: "She might say, 'Hey! I want them!'"
Me: "I bet you're right. So are you going to choose to provoke her right now or go play quietly by yourself? What's the best choice?"
Isaac: "I'll go play by myself."
Me: "Great choice, buddy!"
And off he went...leaving his sister alone. And how did he feel after our interaction? Empowered. In control. Free. I helped him to realize that he had a choice, and gave him the freedom to choose how he was going to go forward. He felt good about his choice and so did I!
I'm still fumbling through this whole thing, though. One of our constant struggles is Isaac's use of potty-talk. So one morning, after hearing some words come out of his mouth, I decided he needed a choice. So I said, "Okay, Isaac...you have a choice. Do you want to keep using that potty talk or do you want to eat soap to clean out your mouth?" He sat there, thinking about his choices...and then it hit me that I messed up! LOL. Whoops! I back tracked, saying, "Do you want to keep using potty talk AND eat some soap afterward? OR would you like to clean it up by yourself?" He smiled and said, "I'll clean it up myself." Awesome.
Another example of a "whoops" moment came this morning, as Isaac was throwing toys across the room. I said, "Hey buddy...do you want to keep throwing those toys or would you like to put them away?" LOL. He answered, "Keep throwing them." I hit myself in the forehead with my hand. Haha. So I'm still learning too. It is going to take A LOT of practice and prayer to get this down pat. But I truly believe that these changes are going to improve the quality of life for our entire family for years to come! It's not going to be easy, though, as we have already established a particular way of communicating with one another. We have to change our hearts and attitudes first, before we are going to see the change in our children. But I'm ready for the challenge and excited about the fruit that these changes will bring!
I will try to write another review after a few months to give an update on how things are going at that time. But in the meantime, if you are able, PLEASE do yourself and your family a HUGE favor and go get this book! You will NOT regret it!! :)
Enjoy fast, free delivery, exclusive deals, and award-winning movies & TV shows with Prime
Try Prime
and start saving today with fast, free delivery
Loading your book clubs
There was a problem loading your book clubs. Please try again.
Not in a club? Learn more
Join or create book clubs
Choose books together
Track your books
Bring your club to Amazon Book Clubs, start a new book club and invite your friends to join, or find a club that’s right for you for free.
Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
Read instantly on your browser with Kindle for Web.
Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.
Something went wrong. Please try your request again later.
Additional Details
Small Business
Shop products from small business brands sold in Amazon’s store. Discover more about the small businesses partnering with Amazon and Amazon’s commitment to empowering them.
Small Business
This product is from a small business brand. Support small.
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now.
Frequently bought together
$13.99
Get it as soon as Monday, May 13
In Stock
Total price:
To see our price, add these items to your cart.
Choose items to buy together.
Similar items that may ship from close to you
Page 1 of 1 Start overPage 1 of 1
Videos
Page 1 of 1Start OverPage 1 of 1
Videos for this product
1:48
Click to play video
Loving Our Kids On Purpose by Danny Silk
Ken & Jenn Arrington
About the author
Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.
Reviews with images
Book completely apart.
I purchased this book knowing it was a uswd book, but for nearly $25 it should have bee. Fully intact. Not. Falling out of the cover.
Top reviews from other countries
Pollyanna Fernandes de Paiva Ribeiro D. Schiavo
Life Changing
Reviewed in Australia on August 21, 2021